another day another dollar

i start work at half 10 today, the alarm was set for half 8. i woke up at 7, damn body.

to keep a reader happy, kirsty and donnelly... expect a few more of these as the certain reader is a demanding bugger!

but at the arse end of the day yesterday, i enjoyed a moment that lifted me from the previous squalor that i'd let myself into. as some/all/none of you know i work as a part-time carer for a family friend who has ms and this week i've been working full-time due to the fact that his full time carer is having to sort out family business.

usually stuart, fulltime, would take iain, my employer, out and about and that-however as i'm nowhere near as strong and steady [as i was thinking about this yesterday, i'm not that strong in my arms but my core strength is ok-i just have bad co-ordination and balance due to dyspraxia... yes i'm officially special] as stuart iain has been house bound and i can tell is somewhat frustrated at this and rightly so.

iain's long time gf emily [whom i help by doing the cleaning/ironing etc] came home from work, and it was at this point that something just clicked as i saw her helping iain up and into his wheelchair to examine the new decking layed out the back of their house. it was a simple and day to day act for them, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary [for them, for quite a few other people it would obviously be so]

the true love and dedication that emily showed at this point in time just made me smile so much, as ms is an utter cunt of a disease and inflicts truely disabilitating pain on people for no good reason and can majorly disrupt lives. however i feel that they way iain and emily have dealt with it is with true grit, the carry on regardless stiff upper lip of a large section of the british population.

i loved it. i smiled and walked into a fine summer's day-or what was left of it and then got on a bus home which i gave the soundtrack of ian brown and joe strummer. brilliant!

i shall briefly return to the main subject of my last blog via the song 'everybody's free (to wear sunscreen)', which jo whiley played on the radio yesterday as some scottish school results were being announced. i refuse to lose contact with penelope cruz [referring to last blog, surprisingly not a real name haha] as she is great and i simply want to see her happy and prospering in life, i can be stuck in my rut forever but i feel a strong need to remain friends as she swayed my life a lot [not only the fact that the word pjizzles is still the coolest phrase that deals with pyjamas i've ever heard hehe]

the tragedies in life [me, joking] are levelled up by the pure beauty of poetry in motion of a couple remaining solid and content or a young life just starting on the road to more love, success, smiles and good times. i'm happy to observe these things and know these people. the sad fact that i often don't experience the full passion and precision of love and life is overruled by the fact that i know that out their throughout this fair land there are millions that do. ace bananas.

as i always do with my blogs seem to ramble on and then towards the end briefly deal with other subjects. i shall do the same here.

whilst writing the above i've listened to radiohead, dan le sac, the prodigy [for whom i had to pause from writing to dance along to voodoo people] and now the streets. which is further nostalgia feeding kirsty haha

the gradball and being physically assaulted and having my ears destroyed by an uproarious miss sloan, classic :)
the pissing on the bus on the way home did make me somewhat of a legend amongst my contemporaries and then jetting off to iow festival the next day whilst hungover was all good fun

its only a few weeks til my birthday meet up in london. i pray for fair weather so that we [uni people, mainly film people] can hang out, get drunk, chat and smile away the day :) i shall arrange the details soon and so check up on your facebook inbox

a final piece to finish with. facebook people, learn to not put drinking/hangover in all of your status updates. well done, you drank a lot and had fun but we've all done it... it doesn't make you cool bragging about it. james suggested that i add 'the gospel according to stella' to my facebook profile as a religious view.

it is ironic and sarcastic. do the same.

smiles
keep it rockin'

i am a ladies man, and here is the proof...

i'm watching a film that has steve buscemi, john goodman, philip seymour hoffman, jeff bridges, peter stormare, flea, john turturro and aimee mann.

such a hilarious film. my favourite film ever, the coen brothers' 1998 motion picture the big lebowski. i've written about the film at every stage of my film studies career.

this blog however will not deal with the film, it shall deal with me and my female friends. the sort of female friends that are more than just friends, girlfriends and those i look at from afar.

when dealing with my former success [notice the singular here haha] i shall refer to her as penelope cruz, partially because we are still friends and i've linked her to this blog before... it is a subtle ploy because she'd have no idea i was talking about her if i referred to her by the name of a ridiculously fit spaniard! [on the off chance, if you are reading this the 'real' penelope cruz ( as in if you've the initials mc) i say this all in complete honesty and with love with regards to our past and future etc etc! smile like you always do :)]

so, yes. i'm notoriously a ladies man, with a long long list of ladies that i've looked at and admired. the 'won over' list contains just one name, penelope cruz. [i like how this works, it makes me sound like an actual international playboy]

after wimping out of talking to an attractive female that i've been keeping an eye on [this sounds bad... i havent spoken to her in 3-4 years, and never really spoke much to her then much (in sixth form) anyway, but i thought that if i can woo her its all good... i failed] and being so annoyed at myself that i didnt try anything just really makes a light of my success with the ladies.

the reason penelope cruz and i got together was because of work and the fact that i had to speak to her as i was her 'supervisor' or whatever on her first day. i thought [this is the truth] that she looked like a russian immigrant [or spanish, as she is penelope cruz after all :P], a fit one nonetheless :)

but it was a weird and wonderful day, and from little acorns a brief and lovely lil relationship grew :)

my one success seems to prove to me that i have to be forced into a situation where i can share my personality with someone, for any sort of a relationship to happen-my looks and inability to present a strong first impression of myself means that anything other than this and i fail... majorly!

i have zero confidence as since my relationship with penelope cruz was terminated nearly two years, i have been turned down a number of times and so my wave of mutilation [pixies] crashed into the cliffs. since then the tide has neither gone out or in [continuing with the sea/relationship thing] and is stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

the mutual breakup [a break up is hardly ever mutual, and usually if the phrase is used it means the other person broke up with them. this is true with me and penelope cruz] hit me hard, and still two years later makes me think what once was. penelope cruz is and was lovely.

i'm not sure whether to go for broke and say i've never had a girlfriend however as i'd not want to embarass penelope cruz by her saying that she once went out with me [harsh truth]. she'd be a chapter in my autobiography and i'd be a footnote in hers :)

no proper thoughts other than just hmm'y ones! i dunno, just how one person can affect you-and that multiple failures really do grind you down. i'm simply too cool haha

in other news, i was entertained by radio 1 today. radio 1 is just full of pop music and is basically what you'd hear at oceana on any night of the week!

heard more of muse's new stuff, sounds ok but still just not good really. even the fact that it was recorded in lovely italy doesn't sway me!

ah well.

"take the four dollars..." i <3>

keep it rockin'

this, that and this again

i've been having a but of a reminisce recently, due to my music listening becoming more stagnant... pixies, the streets and the prodigy.

i also have a massive yearning for mexican fast food, as this is once again part of the reminiscy-package haha more references will be abundant! but the fast food and the good music, apart from pendulum.

they are an annoying bunch of arses who make drum'n'bass that is just middle of the road and poppy. tarantula and all that bullshit. i simply don't like them, at iow they played their version of voodoo people and it was dull-a matter of hours later the boys came on and did the original and dear god it was good :)

the main reason that i went to iow was due to the pixies but also my brother needed another reason for funding both of our tickets [cos he is nice to me sometimes, so that he can also still wrestle me and breath vinegar breath in my face like a grown up 25 year old should do] and the reason came in the form of the prodigy.

they were 9/10, a dark field with a fucking loud sound system and a loud of people who i suspect may have not been just drunk :P they played mainly the hits [tits] and also stuff off invaders must die, which sounds quite similar to pendulum but they are also a lot lot more betterer than those aussie wankers.

only the pixies could better them, and they pretty much did. but this is only because they were the finest band i've ever seen live, and i've seen waking aida!

but having realised i've not yet blogged on the festival i thought i'd burn your eyes and ears regarding how good it was. saw blur a few weeks ago and i was informed by a friend that it was her favourite gig ever-but she doesn't particularly the pixies but she does like muse. ignore her views then.

i'm fortunate enough to be seeing the pixies again in october, an occasion will make me go a bit week at the knees. they are playing all of their incredible 1989 album doolittle, so much happiness will occur.

cheese on toast time.

we don't have any cheese left. sad banana times. in fact this isn't completely true, we have some edam but thats just not cheese is it! i just had a roule sandwich, best of a bad situation.

this fucking band. i won't say anymore, but simply it is tripe. awful awful business.

integrity and being pop is a very interesting/contentious issue within music. i say because of my feelings on the latest kings of leon album, it simply isn't up to scratch. it is such an annoying sounding album, to my ears it sounds like they have buckled and gone-lets make some money. they sound more like u2 than they've ever tried to before. use somebody is a good song, but the bass sound is shite! it sounds like they've got flea to do it for them, this is not the kings of leon. as my good friend matt noted as well, the track 17 is a xmas song for christ sake and he is getting equally annoyed at them after seeing a pair of teenage girls sit in front of him at the o2 who only went to see them play sex on fire and he said that scores of people in the audience who weren't singing along to anything before only by the night.

i'm not sure about this, they are slipping from being brilliant to being middle of the road. however they've promised fans [like i and not radio 1 listeners] that the fifth album is a return to the bluesy background they come from. yes please.

i feel that i'm becoming more vitriolic in my growing annoyance towards some people and their views on the beatles. let it go, just a band. and get a tad dull.

i realise the hypocrisy here, but the beatles do start to bore me. stones have so much more attack and nastiest. i prefer them, they are not better [the term better is stupid, i like looking at some polls that rank bands as i just disagree every step of the way].

to bed, more in the future.

keep it rockin'

the cunt and the veteran

bono.

end of. but not the end of, obviously!

my friend chris had as his facebook status "[name] wants to know why it wasn't Bono. It's never cocking Bono." on the day that mj died. i wish the man wasn't so much just of a fucking arsehole :)

example of this is when is when u2 covered beat on the brat, the ramones classic off their first album. i mean the original is just a powerful song that reflects the revved up nature of basically new york teenagers high on glue and wanting to dance, and the u2 version is destroyed by bono's vocals-the rest of the music sounds ok, a bit plain but a guitarwankery version of the song would be even worse.

ramones version

u2 version

he just sounds like a poo.

another example of bono and how people dislike him, when i was watching the future is unwritten [ joe strummer, who's dead, documentary] his annoyingly little face made an appearance and the two middle aged guys in front of me said words to the effect of-what a fucking cunt! which was nice... i laughed to myself as i quite agree with them, but also they did interrupt the film for a bit, but then again they were right.

he also popped up in a lil documentary on the pixies, it was like i can't escape the man. also pixies supported u2 on one of their tours-the wrong way around, by far. i like some of their music, but still pixies made nirvana/radiohead/placebo etc etc.

in other news, the world's oldest man henry allingham has died at the age of 113! thats pretty mental, i've been doing a bit of reading up on him and he sounds like he was an incredible man :) i can't fathom living through through 3 centuries, fighting in a war and more stuff... i haven't done much reading up on him and i'm tired so won't go on, but the guy was good!

small piece-on bbc news website frontpage, "Lenny Henry: My big surprise for Dawn", what is the surprise? he's actually fun?

no.

done.

keep it rockin'

language and battery

i am currently listening to some vintage 21st century punk/rap in the form of transplants debut album. i enjoy it muchly, thats why i'm listening to it-obviously.

in the past few days i've allowed myself to slip into a two year old crater, i shall not whinge about this as it is totally my fault and all that blar. i shall begin with an attack on poor grammer...

see what i did there? grammar not grammer, i wented to a grammar school. but anyway yes what annoys me about facebook is that people have some terrible grammar and spelling in their statuses [stati?] and i can say that i'm now paying a lot more attention to my own as it really winds me up... i don't know why, as i have just stated i'm by no means perfect but [tries and fails to cite an example of bad grammar... well done] is just terrible.

point unproven. but also within the media [bbc news website, as its basically all i look at] and the spoken word, there are too many americanisms! the 7th july terrorist attacks are just that, they are not 7/7... i cannot stand this phrase, its an ugly and horrible journalistic term and has taken such a massive cue from september 11th [american date here, please note this] and the subsequent squirming to save column inches by journalists who wish to call it 9/11.

examples that i don't like hearing, and if i do i might go a tad mental, butt [no thanks, its arse/bum], ass [same, arse/bum], oh my gosh [say god-baby talk is boring], you do the math[s] and the final and most annoying one, tuxedo.

fuck off. we british people say dinner jacket, you've watched too many movies [another word i dislike, put that on the list. its lazy and sounds like a childish and retarded form of moving pictures-which is what it is] from across the pond!

'oh that is a nice dinner jacket john'

'thank you jane, you look pretty fucking fit in you're dress too' see this is a prime example :)

i was going to say something else, but i can't remember what. wee wee and then a hopefully triumphant return.

success, i remembered! stop sweating your little butts...

corporal punishment and the police. i'm not 100% behind heavy handed control of rioting crowds, but i'm genuniely happy that they beat the rich and the hippies... this of course relates to the separate occasions where the police beat the living shit of the countryside alliance people and also hippies on annoying mayday things. but which is brought up as a breach of human rights? hippies.

nothing is made of hitting some well off people, as they deserve it as everyone is on the moral highground as they don't like hunting [obviously] despite more than likely not eating all the free range and/or organic meat on the market [quite broad sweeping].

but some smelly annoying people who do nothing but smoke weed [sweep, sweep] get a battering from police and amnesty international weep like they are animals. as you may have guessed, this is once again non-sensical... but basically my rough point is the police should hit no-one, but if they must do it, hit everyone.

i want to moan about suburbia, but i'm now watching south park [a 10/10 show]

keep it rockin'

sellers and more

is it wrong that i'm already thinking about what i could put in my autobiography? the reason for why is that i watched 'the peter sellers story' an epic documentary over three parts and three hours, i downloaded it off the internet and it just reminds me of how amazing the man was and how i'd like to be.

i always see a lot of myself in some documentaries [on influential and major stars], mainly due to wish fulfillment... i also thought things through, and i reckon that i could be a really influential performer-now to do something about it

that was my brief foray into comedy right there, you missed it! but anyway the man was brilliant and so he is a hero of mine... not a recently found hero that i've suddenly fallen in love with but instead from a while ago, i mean if you've seen the first pink panther film you'll know what i mean-the bit where he gets his violin back and he plays it just simply creases me up, i'm in pieces with his little face.

contentious issue, any better comedy film actor? with such a diverse range of work? steve coogan is quite close and a very modern alternative, but from what i know he doesn't seem to be such a nice guy as sellers, who is the most talented actor [after finishing the ladykillers in 55 he gave an audio tape to each of his co-stars of him imitating each of them, and he was spot on with each... just amazing]

but for a little vagabond book, where would the highlights be? i can't just end every anecdote, needless to say i had the last laugh [partridge please] but i find it an interesting idea with what stories from a monotonous life would be entertaining at all, i dunno. but if miley cyrus has one, so could i... i'll make up some wild stories, fact becomes fiction.

utter bollocks this last bit.

but i've also had a bit of time to think about life and death, as you genuinely never know when its gonna end and also what happens after the terminal breath... its really not a nice thought, and this has been brought into perspective with my current employment.

looking after a ms sufferer, you can see how it is a fucking cunt of a disease and is utterly horrible. being 21 you feel blessed with the total use of your body, in all its ugly forms, but then you see that you may well be struck down by a freak injury or disease which means you can't move... i'm soon to buy diving bell and the butterfly, a film that deals with a similar feeling of being stuck in a body that they can't get out of. i'd not wish to be in this position, and wouldn't want to see anyone else like that either.

i can't articulate my complete feeling regarding more stuff atm, so i won't

keep it rockin'

a note

-less, -ish, -centred, -pitying, -depricating, -involved, -deluded etc etc

consider this as some form of a redundancy note, an excuse ridden explanation of my self. an evaluation if you will- no lies, all truths.

i'm getting progressively closer to fully and finally admitting defeating and throwing in the towel, the looming 'tortured artist' status may be applied without the upshots that the title provides to the poor fucker has. i don't want to be one, but i seem to fittingly fit the bill-but once again as previosuly noted without any artistic merit. almost giving in and just become part of the disgusting society that i comment on and despise and promised myself to not join.

but i can now see the appeal. it isn't living, it's waiting.

welcome in the cliches, it's better to have loved and lost. its ok to grip your 15 minutes of fame and nostalgically shine light among the minutes, deluding yourself into thinking that the minutes meant something. 99 times out of 100 they will not be remembered by no one.

honesty comes in many forms. fact based truth is unfortunately the realm in which i live, the brutal world where failures are real, demeaning and fucking hard hitting. the childlike innocence of seeing the world as a magical place where anyone can be a success, the ugly happy.

[james, i hope you read this as unfortunately i'm close to saying that i've been defeated. i've been broken, i failed in trying to deduce meaning and life from medway.]

dealing with the dark.

and so, as i don't know-i really don't. there is still a chance, the future is unwritten.

keep it rockin'