face for the radio

i have a face for the radio, thats all...

thats not all, for now i have free reign to ramble on and on!

but faces, they are a weird thing arent they? yes they are. i'm currently writing this with a flask of lovely coffee in the film and music room on level 5 of hartley library, and there is a very attractive female behind me working away-and by work i mean just being very attractive, and distracting lil old me from this business of writing just 1000 words-this write up bollocks...

but i shall tell a tale of this female, with straight forward descriptions... really well styled dark hair, history student, very attractive, quite mouthy but worthy of my attention :)

here it is, this is the truth: looks are important!

for all those that deny this, just stop it. its not being vain to look for a version of beauty/attractive that you like, and there are no two ways about it-you have to find someone attractive to make any sort of emotional bond with them... it annoys me when people (yes i know more than one person, i'm amazing) say 'oh i went out with her cos she has a good personality', and so the fact they are very good looking doesnt come into it? just admit it.

i raise this point as i am a victim of prolonged singleness, nothing i can really do about that is there? if you have any ideas, please do tell me. but yeah, i can declare from the roof tops that i wouldnt go out with someone i didnt find physically attractive! and i am well aware of this from the flipside of the coin, because as well as suffering from singleness (8.6gb says this is a fact, haha) i also suffer from being 5'5'' and not being the most aesthetically pleasing gargoyle there is. i think i've an ok personality, but facts say otherwise-i need to find my fundamental flaw and get it repaired... or better than that find someone without looking for them, this seems tricky... answers to life's problems on a postcard please :)

but yeah i have a friend who is a talented singer, and there is no doubt about that and she is trying for x factor, again. the problem is here that she is not particularly attractive, and would be as good a popstar as rick waller (also from medway, thanks!) the tragedy for me is not that to be the perfect popstar you have to be attractive, this just is a fact-and one i shant argue with, but the tragedy is that this poor female is somewhat deluded into thinking that she maybe a success... i will back her 100%, but she just won't win, its a somewhat lost cause... she would be a good backing singer, and thus i believe she should try this

after sending a copy of my cd (well mine and rob's cd) to my parents, my mum's hairdresser and friend sharon said i should go on on x factor... i retorted with my face for the radio remark, but my mum countered with the term (or name if you like) mick jagger... quite true, and the annoying pixie face cunt matt bellamy from muse, but they are rock stars-thats what i want, thanks :) the path has been cleared for me!

on the subject of uggos and talent, susan boyle... bless her... but don't treat her like a commodity, it really annoys me (this must be hypocritical having just moaned about the opposite, yep thats the definition of the term) when they (who are these they? my answer the media, i'll be broad) were so surprised, its not like ugly or not conventionally/at all attractive people have talent? its retarded how she is patted on the head for her talent, which she undoubtedly has, because of all people PIERS 'SHITFACE' MORGAN and AMANDA 'SIMPLETON' HOLDEN think she is worth being basically laughed at behind her back (like a fucking freak show)

hang on, fuck x factor if britain's got talent takes on uggos-lets get me there! now to discover a talent, well everyone knows i'm a ladies man... thats gotta be a talent :D

keep it rockin'

numbers and words

i bloody love numbers... 21, 1, 0, 2:2, £-20,000... they really instill a sense of hope within you! at least the first three numbers, which are dull and boring are better summarised by a song from 1965 which made an entire supply of a product sell out-(i can't get no) satisfaction... i bloody prefer words to numbers, much more fun and upbeat, for example paul hardcastle's na na na na na19. vietnam war in song, 'vietnam the musical' great :)

i'm not an annoying english student who judges people for not reading books, as i myself am a tad guilty of not reading... well this is untrue! but i read lyrics to songs, jokes on websites, reviews of films, film scripts, short stories, cereal packets, swine flu leaflets, poetry, street signs, t-shirt slogans, dvd covers and the headstocks of many a guitar... novels are lost on me! i'm not gonna be an extensive reader of trashy paperbacks, hard hitting hard backs, entertaining red tops, literary masturbating broadsheets, just plain funny black tops and other works of fiction (the bible-satire!)

i shall return to subject of words in a bit, but there is a car parked outside my room (old red renault clio) which has a small badge saying versailles on it. this is much like the yellow 'peril' in the inbetweeners which is a cinquecento hawaii, which i think is fair enough... but a versailles clio? name it after the place in france where germany had the entire first world war blamed on themselves-condemning the world to another world war? sure the treaty of versailles officially ended an horrific battle (series of, as its a war) but also it did the aforementioned of being a key trigger for the election (DEMOCRATIC, may i add, the nazis were elected) of the worst western european maniacal power since the UK (oop political) and its heavy handed ruling of well just about the whole world

all i'm saying is; sure paris is possibly an overused logo for france but versailles? yes! thats our choice, not champagne the unofficial home of fizzy wine, bordeaux another home for wine, marseilles, nice, la rochelle (thats for my generation :]), corsica... i could go on... point proven? then on with the word play (or word gay, mr gillespie)

i like reading, just not what i'm told to read... escapism? music and film (where the wild things are by spike jonze looks exceptional) cover this... enjoyment? music, friends and film... art? music, friends, film and art... and i'm out of reasons to read a novel... unless a friend has written it, i wont bother reading it!

t-shirts... i saw someone a while back wearing one saying 'i facebooked your mum' i found this funny, i also saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said 'iPood' i found this funny, i also saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said 'iBooze' i nearly went mental! the first two show arent high brow humour but have some wit, the last was on someone i can't remember... option a: science student, hopefully this is wide term that others will understand what i mean (example, simon the comp geek from the office) option b: a rugby sorta person, a lad... i've bemoaned them before and will do so until they fail to exist, but these people are the scum of university life...

they might as well say, aherm: AM i a LAd?! aM I EvA!!!!!!! i have literally nothing in my life apart from drinking, my friends are all the same and we have fun doing it!!!!!!!!! i dont mean to judge (and make sweeping statements), but get some hobbies... i drank four cans of fosters, then i put the empty cans on a hardhat, i'm mental!!!!!!!!! is this really the state that society is in? brilliant... don't get me wrong, i love drinking and do it with my friends but i also things like moan (hopefully in a somewhat articulate manner) and get barely educated, try the same? or die! thanks

'i want you to be crazy, cause you're boring baby when you're sane'

the road to hell is paved with good intentions

business coffees with jews, nice!

to work or not to work? that is the question... the futility of an essay that shall do nothing more than boost my chances of doing nothing in july! ah yeah

band names, this herein is a rambling moan about band names. if you're forming a band, THINK about the band name... obviously the band's name is reinforced by the sound of the band/person themselves but some require thought, here is a list of band names that are not great but genius:-

the streets, slayer, the rolling stones, black sabbath, cream, metallica, sonic youth, the smiths and obviously as my choice the clash

these band names are tripe:-

does it offend you yeah?, ting tings, the enemy, linkin park and dananananakroyd

the tripe list is noticably shorter, BUT buy a copy of the NME or any music magazine and you'll find around 20 bands with names that are bad... in my humble opinion a good band name can sell the band and make it big, or just people will go-thats a good band name, i shall listen to them... if you're forming a band, there shouldnt be an essay that explains the name-it should either be there when you strum the first chord and spit the first lyric...

one of the first rules is dont bore your audience (the wall and pink floyd), or for that matter anyone

point two- DO NOT DRESS LIKE A CUNT, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GAPING WHOLE IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOUR PERSONALITY SHOULD BE! having just found images of an old school friend wearing the most ridiculous get up, stop trying to be skinny cool and be yourself... also wearing sunglasses inside is as cool as getting punched in the face- which 'weirdly' will happen if you persist in dressing like a knob... know how you look, your limits and if you dare to challenge these limits do it with a huge sense of irony and sarcasm... and i mean huge, plaster it on your chest because by god the world will see you for who you are, a dick!

sean lock- if you're introduced to someone who's a character you aren't going to meet the next [insert intelligent writer/ philosopher/ thinker  as i fail to remember his example], you're gonna meet someone who puts their dick in your pint. or just can't walk past a shop without trying on their hats

i shall now commence in an armitage shanks defecation scenario... for fuck sake i love chris morris

stoneydelph and gaydon; why i love england (part 1)

on the journey up to birmingham, actually a village outside tamworth which is outside birmingham itself. but on the way up to farnborough on the train, i decided to think about my dissertation-this scared me far too much so i just listened to music smiled and thought about what my come in the near future (mon 12- fri 17, nothing existential or philosophical, which i KNOW you were thinking of me)

being met by a homeboi cruising in a light lilac citroen c3, i was already having fun! then we started to discuss literally the funniest programme on tv at the moment, the inbetweeners. i had seen it advertised and assumed it was part of the comedy that included little miss cunting jocelyn and those awful programmes-however it is not. it stems from the peep show of channel 4 tv, and deals with the period of school known as sixth form, a-levels and all the fun of properly growing up (16-18) and is thus awesome! it is very much for a male audience but luckily, and maybe surprisingly, i fit into that category… and for any person who has friends like that or wish they did-its more than worth a watch.

but yes after a bit of bonding (well not real bonding, as rob and I have done too much together [not that way you filthy person] to not be friends) we carried on back t his house waiting for a lift up to the gloomy midlands… this maybe a cliché but its true, it was overcast everyday… but knowing that rob’s uncle has a recording studio in his garage, i wasn’t expecting a shitty little nissan micra but a top of the range audi, thanks ants!

being chauffeured through the home counties in a car that is just too nice, seeing the waitrose hq, learning about broadmoor psych hospital (strangely you can’t see it from the road, rob told of a time in junior school when they were all ‘allowed’ to go home as one of the prisoners had managed to escape and so for safety sake the kids were taken home… lovely haha), seeing the world whiz past whilst sitting ina shitting comfy leather seat in a car with bose sound system-bo selecta!

arriving late pm, like excited lil school boys we trotted up to the back of the garden where lies loads of time and oney invested into a hobby. an unassuming lil building containing 7 guitars, a bass, an impressive drum kit, a 250w half stack marshall amp as well as lovely lil editing area… being eager to crack on we had a nice lil lasagne then started up on laying down bass and guitar parts… moving onto the drums we had our first real experience of niggling studio annoyances, re-miking the drum kit which with around 20  mikes took a good hour… so the first day was done, there is plenty more but i can’t think atm

On the train back to southampton atm, so typing isn’t very easy on a constantly moving railway system… listening to the new yeah yeah yeahs album and it is pretty good based on the first coupla tracks

we originally planned on doing 5 tracks, but this spiralled into 7 as we chose a simple playlist and wanted to just get moving on with it all… it also helps that we rehearsed all day on tuesday (the preliminary recordings were done on tues evening and not mon, this is me cocking up) and then just recorded the songs quite well-taking only a few takes to get most of them, one take on about 3 songs-i was pleased with not being branded a retard, before realising i’m not such a good singer as i’d falsely accused myself of being beforehand… but yes we recorded solidly on weds and thurs and got it all done except the vocals on oen song, which was undertaken on friday morning… i do have a cd of the the preliminary produced songs, rob’s uncle clive will do further work on them all before we get a final sound 100% correct

(more shall come, am tired...)

its a good friday out there somewhere

eminem... why do you have to have such a divide in your work? the new single is a 'witty' comeback that attacks modern culture, just like the lead single off your past 2-3 albums... stop it!

i have not heard the rest of the album, as its not out obviously, but the man does songs such as stan, mockingbird, sing for the moment, lose yourself and others that contain some validity-are well written and have a titting meaning and then on the other side its the i'm back song and attacks fucking idiots that are best left alone in music... we know amy winehouse is a mess, but the shame in this lies in her wasted talent not that she's a fucking waster who's gullible enough to take drugs and get fucked up by a keen british media following her every escapade, with camera in her face and another on the ground to capture her skag ridden body falling out of a taxi exposing her cunt!

there is no doubt that winehouse is a victim of ehr own success, and whether you like her or not she is one hell of a singer... but fame should always be the upshot of good deeds, hard work and genuine ability-and it should not be the driving force behind a fucking career... big brother was in its first incarnation a genuine social experiment where people were changed in their environment... now people go on there for fame

i'm not going to go into detail about her but jade goody is this... (read parky's piece on her, perfect) she gained fame from first BB then went into CBB, this is ludicrous she became famous through no work but through being a stupid and laughable character brought up under shit circumstances (this is not under question, essex, smack and council estates-lovely stuff) but there is always opportunity for people from shit situations to get big, through not a mix of talent and hard work

i despise the song as it is hypocritical shite, but lennon's 'working class hero' does have a bit of truth... northern bands, oasis/ stone roses were bands who worked themselves to the bone in the early years playing gigs, rehearsing and 'having it large'... but they fit the bill of lennon's track, it is through perseverance, hard work, luck, talent, arrogance and self belief that they got to be where they were... they didnt go 'lets go on BB and 'ave it, errrrrrr' instead they worked hard on what they liked

did jade? really? does being a buffoon really count as hard work... i suppose prolonged 'blondeness' is beneficial to the cause of education...  but everyone cocks up from time to time saying things that are silly and happens when the mouth moves before the brain, but to make a career out of this? say some ludicrous things and then within a year become a national fucking treasure!

i'm well aware of the fact that people can change, i believe jade goody to not be a racist just a stupid and ignorant person-no doubt shilpa shetty actually forgave her or simply took the moral highground as any person that good looking or talented would... goody wasnt a racist but just stupid, but the media loves a common enemy but within the space of a coupla years she dies a hero? there is something that deeply concerns me about this, and how the turn around was sick and didnt seem to come from a factual place

it seems that if shes a national hero, the nation is a joke... praising the idiots and allowing the educated masses to sit back and mock whilst allowing the majority of the population adores goody... not my cup of tea

the song-it says here by billy bragg looks at this to an extent, media, press and the like... there is a lot of left-wing politics in the track but what he says is important, listen to it! similarly to in high fidelity, discussions over sadness and pop music, do people read shite papers as fact because they are stupid or can't the vast majority use the things in their skulls to decipher the important aspects of life?

entertainment is brilliant and necessary, but thoughtless and vacuous crap fill the screens of itv and bbc1... my family, jesus thats crap-this is my opinion and so blar blar blar

BUT another piece of fact has annoyed me: this

(hopefully this works, if not search for craig david mtv on bbc news)

i'm not against pop music, i like some of it, but this shows how fucking stupid the general public are... craig david having the 2nd best album since 1981, sorry? let me just repeat that for you, craig david's album 'born to do it' was voted 2nd best album of the past three decades behind 'thriller' by michael jackson... its all subjective but i'm comfortable with thriller being up there but CRAIG DAVID, please let this be a practical joke otherwise it renders the general public retarded! i shall name some bands that have existed since 1981 and how their music may have changed the way music is actually played/heard/adored, by some bands i shall say:

radiohead, pixies, nirvana, the smiths, the stones roses, blur, the libertines, the strokes, the white stripes... if thats not enough for you, and you say thats just rock music-hip hop and rap were basically invented in late 70s early 80s new york, so apparently EVERYTHING produced by all these artists isnt as good as craig david-who without the man wouldnt be making his music-THINK! for fuck sake stand back and think

mtv is a joke, as is the nme... top 100 riffs of all time, positions 1, 2, 3 and 4 are muse tracks... then two two songs by jimi hendrix, you have to love the numb minds of people who can't see past 2000, let alone the 1960s... the pixie twat matt bellamy says he picked up a guitar cos of hendrix, i think even he would be angry with that list... ridiculous

i believe this to be my longest post yet, and dealing with fame and the fucking idiots of the real world is sapping, thus coffee

keep it rockin'

actually rambling along a moonlight mile

its 9am and a jam will soon occur at the most r'n'r of venues-30 shakespeare avenue, bass, guitar and drums-ah yeah! music in the morning is the way forward...

still as tired as ever, but so much more chilled for reasons that seem quite odd but also cool! on tuesday i wandered for miles and miles and miles-this time not on my own, but instead with a friend i hadn't seen for months... it was good fun chatting, wandering and that was about the sum total of events but its somehow helped to chill me out, and not get stressed by bollocks work and the stuff that sometimes plague a person

times spent in medway were good, the only downpoint was feeling a billion when we were in the old tap'n'tin... £1 drinks! that would have been great fun around 3 years ago but now as old men, we left for the alex where the pints were £3 but you also felt you're age and discussed the rolling stones and astro-physics, especially with an irish friend clad in red jeans like jack white haha good fun

meeting people is easy, but staying friends with some of the best people in the world is good fun... this is the worst thing about leaving uni for me-the people, the work can go fuck itself but its the chatting, hanging out, laughs and drinking that make the university fees worth it... its a lot of money but in my humble opinion its worth it-when life is for the taking, take it! this is the advice i gave to my friend that i wandered about medway with, as university is the place for friends and nice people... you do meet some, what term shall i use erm CUNTS, but you can ignore them and eventually post uni lose contact. not a massive loss, if any loss at all, and respect grows for people who you care about and then respect slips for people who don't give you their time, moan and don't listen, and go against your actual morals... anyway...

link of the day: onlookers on myspace, their new song self hinged brother... brilliant

shower, food, music, work... quite a day!

keep it rockin'

(i'm aware this is a shit update, so don't moan)

the science of selling yourself short

today began with scratching at my door... oh the pleasures of home, cats and parents just circling waiting to say something (cats don't do this well) that will inevitably wind me up, it is basically like being 14 and is so gay, and poo and nipples... witty sarcasm there

i seem to be plagued by a recent move towards blonde females, this by no way means i've forsaken my roots (background picture on my computer is monica cruz, as fit if not fitter than her sister) but it is weird... having visited my friends for her 21st birthday, she had brought back some of her uni friends back to the old medway, and this reminded me of a time in the first year and a regret that has since become obvious

when i visited my friend in halls, i was still sporting the worst decision i have made ever, aka long hair... what a cunt... but yes visiting the cold and foggy south west on a super expensive train ticket, i was visiting the whitest city in the UK (racism doesn't count here, as there are literally no black people-it is like going back in time :S) and my friend therein... i remember playing a few bass licks i had on her guitar (no euphemism) and i think impressing some of her friends/ flat mates, and one of them who is still nice seemed to take a shining to me

...

as a note- this maybe bollocks, but to quote eternal sunshine: why do i always fall in love with a girl who shows me the slightest bit of attention? so back to the story

...

and at the time my friend asked me who i thought who i liked best of her friends and i foolishly named another friend (who i didnt talk to) who wasn't even as attractive, and i believe that this was a diversionary tactic... but yes here i am in 2009 thinking over a bad decision from winter 2006, life is progressing well isnt it...

ah, how ladies play so much of a role in males lives, especially for those who have been single for so long your eyes bleed... those who have almost certainly bold-faced embarassed themselves by admitting their feelings for someone and getting turned down, once or numerous times... those who have stockpiled a ludicrous amount of pornography that gets quite regular viewing due to the relationship status and having a boring life... on the back foot saying you can't be tied down to one lady, or any lady as a way of not admitting defeat... knowing that with all my knowledge i will do it all again-because if you don't do your mistakes again, where will that take you?

however as is written in scripture at the house of doherty, album one track eleven: if you've lost your faith in love and music then the end won't be long... as a philosopher and thinker i take this to mean, make the mistakes as many times as necessary and never learn from the lessons, and call yourself a hopeless romantic, until one day it does pay off, as i truely believe it will- everyone needs to place some blind faith in themselves and their abilities, otherwise they will be in a job they hate, 'content' and living for the piss up at the weekend... more than that please

youtube link: search-american idol faceplant, always funny :)

keep it rockin'