face for the radio

i have a face for the radio, thats all...

thats not all, for now i have free reign to ramble on and on!

but faces, they are a weird thing arent they? yes they are. i'm currently writing this with a flask of lovely coffee in the film and music room on level 5 of hartley library, and there is a very attractive female behind me working away-and by work i mean just being very attractive, and distracting lil old me from this business of writing just 1000 words-this write up bollocks...

but i shall tell a tale of this female, with straight forward descriptions... really well styled dark hair, history student, very attractive, quite mouthy but worthy of my attention :)

here it is, this is the truth: looks are important!

for all those that deny this, just stop it. its not being vain to look for a version of beauty/attractive that you like, and there are no two ways about it-you have to find someone attractive to make any sort of emotional bond with them... it annoys me when people (yes i know more than one person, i'm amazing) say 'oh i went out with her cos she has a good personality', and so the fact they are very good looking doesnt come into it? just admit it.

i raise this point as i am a victim of prolonged singleness, nothing i can really do about that is there? if you have any ideas, please do tell me. but yeah, i can declare from the roof tops that i wouldnt go out with someone i didnt find physically attractive! and i am well aware of this from the flipside of the coin, because as well as suffering from singleness (8.6gb says this is a fact, haha) i also suffer from being 5'5'' and not being the most aesthetically pleasing gargoyle there is. i think i've an ok personality, but facts say otherwise-i need to find my fundamental flaw and get it repaired... or better than that find someone without looking for them, this seems tricky... answers to life's problems on a postcard please :)

but yeah i have a friend who is a talented singer, and there is no doubt about that and she is trying for x factor, again. the problem is here that she is not particularly attractive, and would be as good a popstar as rick waller (also from medway, thanks!) the tragedy for me is not that to be the perfect popstar you have to be attractive, this just is a fact-and one i shant argue with, but the tragedy is that this poor female is somewhat deluded into thinking that she maybe a success... i will back her 100%, but she just won't win, its a somewhat lost cause... she would be a good backing singer, and thus i believe she should try this

after sending a copy of my cd (well mine and rob's cd) to my parents, my mum's hairdresser and friend sharon said i should go on on x factor... i retorted with my face for the radio remark, but my mum countered with the term (or name if you like) mick jagger... quite true, and the annoying pixie face cunt matt bellamy from muse, but they are rock stars-thats what i want, thanks :) the path has been cleared for me!

on the subject of uggos and talent, susan boyle... bless her... but don't treat her like a commodity, it really annoys me (this must be hypocritical having just moaned about the opposite, yep thats the definition of the term) when they (who are these they? my answer the media, i'll be broad) were so surprised, its not like ugly or not conventionally/at all attractive people have talent? its retarded how she is patted on the head for her talent, which she undoubtedly has, because of all people PIERS 'SHITFACE' MORGAN and AMANDA 'SIMPLETON' HOLDEN think she is worth being basically laughed at behind her back (like a fucking freak show)

hang on, fuck x factor if britain's got talent takes on uggos-lets get me there! now to discover a talent, well everyone knows i'm a ladies man... thats gotta be a talent :D

keep it rockin'

numbers and words

i bloody love numbers... 21, 1, 0, 2:2, £-20,000... they really instill a sense of hope within you! at least the first three numbers, which are dull and boring are better summarised by a song from 1965 which made an entire supply of a product sell out-(i can't get no) satisfaction... i bloody prefer words to numbers, much more fun and upbeat, for example paul hardcastle's na na na na na19. vietnam war in song, 'vietnam the musical' great :)

i'm not an annoying english student who judges people for not reading books, as i myself am a tad guilty of not reading... well this is untrue! but i read lyrics to songs, jokes on websites, reviews of films, film scripts, short stories, cereal packets, swine flu leaflets, poetry, street signs, t-shirt slogans, dvd covers and the headstocks of many a guitar... novels are lost on me! i'm not gonna be an extensive reader of trashy paperbacks, hard hitting hard backs, entertaining red tops, literary masturbating broadsheets, just plain funny black tops and other works of fiction (the bible-satire!)

i shall return to subject of words in a bit, but there is a car parked outside my room (old red renault clio) which has a small badge saying versailles on it. this is much like the yellow 'peril' in the inbetweeners which is a cinquecento hawaii, which i think is fair enough... but a versailles clio? name it after the place in france where germany had the entire first world war blamed on themselves-condemning the world to another world war? sure the treaty of versailles officially ended an horrific battle (series of, as its a war) but also it did the aforementioned of being a key trigger for the election (DEMOCRATIC, may i add, the nazis were elected) of the worst western european maniacal power since the UK (oop political) and its heavy handed ruling of well just about the whole world

all i'm saying is; sure paris is possibly an overused logo for france but versailles? yes! thats our choice, not champagne the unofficial home of fizzy wine, bordeaux another home for wine, marseilles, nice, la rochelle (thats for my generation :]), corsica... i could go on... point proven? then on with the word play (or word gay, mr gillespie)

i like reading, just not what i'm told to read... escapism? music and film (where the wild things are by spike jonze looks exceptional) cover this... enjoyment? music, friends and film... art? music, friends, film and art... and i'm out of reasons to read a novel... unless a friend has written it, i wont bother reading it!

t-shirts... i saw someone a while back wearing one saying 'i facebooked your mum' i found this funny, i also saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said 'iPood' i found this funny, i also saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said 'iBooze' i nearly went mental! the first two show arent high brow humour but have some wit, the last was on someone i can't remember... option a: science student, hopefully this is wide term that others will understand what i mean (example, simon the comp geek from the office) option b: a rugby sorta person, a lad... i've bemoaned them before and will do so until they fail to exist, but these people are the scum of university life...

they might as well say, aherm: AM i a LAd?! aM I EvA!!!!!!! i have literally nothing in my life apart from drinking, my friends are all the same and we have fun doing it!!!!!!!!! i dont mean to judge (and make sweeping statements), but get some hobbies... i drank four cans of fosters, then i put the empty cans on a hardhat, i'm mental!!!!!!!!! is this really the state that society is in? brilliant... don't get me wrong, i love drinking and do it with my friends but i also things like moan (hopefully in a somewhat articulate manner) and get barely educated, try the same? or die! thanks

'i want you to be crazy, cause you're boring baby when you're sane'

the road to hell is paved with good intentions

business coffees with jews, nice!

to work or not to work? that is the question... the futility of an essay that shall do nothing more than boost my chances of doing nothing in july! ah yeah

band names, this herein is a rambling moan about band names. if you're forming a band, THINK about the band name... obviously the band's name is reinforced by the sound of the band/person themselves but some require thought, here is a list of band names that are not great but genius:-

the streets, slayer, the rolling stones, black sabbath, cream, metallica, sonic youth, the smiths and obviously as my choice the clash

these band names are tripe:-

does it offend you yeah?, ting tings, the enemy, linkin park and dananananakroyd

the tripe list is noticably shorter, BUT buy a copy of the NME or any music magazine and you'll find around 20 bands with names that are bad... in my humble opinion a good band name can sell the band and make it big, or just people will go-thats a good band name, i shall listen to them... if you're forming a band, there shouldnt be an essay that explains the name-it should either be there when you strum the first chord and spit the first lyric...

one of the first rules is dont bore your audience (the wall and pink floyd), or for that matter anyone

point two- DO NOT DRESS LIKE A CUNT, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GAPING WHOLE IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOUR PERSONALITY SHOULD BE! having just found images of an old school friend wearing the most ridiculous get up, stop trying to be skinny cool and be yourself... also wearing sunglasses inside is as cool as getting punched in the face- which 'weirdly' will happen if you persist in dressing like a knob... know how you look, your limits and if you dare to challenge these limits do it with a huge sense of irony and sarcasm... and i mean huge, plaster it on your chest because by god the world will see you for who you are, a dick!

sean lock- if you're introduced to someone who's a character you aren't going to meet the next [insert intelligent writer/ philosopher/ thinker  as i fail to remember his example], you're gonna meet someone who puts their dick in your pint. or just can't walk past a shop without trying on their hats

i shall now commence in an armitage shanks defecation scenario... for fuck sake i love chris morris