Sunday 29 November 2009

a green and grey wristband [part 1]

i am currently watching a fine young film. odd phrase to use, and the word 'young' is totally unnecessary and pointless. this must be a new record for me to bore myself and more than likely too. so...

i am watching high fidelity, possibly the coolest film in my collection. this may not be the case, but any film where the boss makes a cameo has got to be pretty damn good. the film is quite clearly the finest romcom ever and is smart, geeky, funny and seemingly realistic. the realism aspect doesn't really apply to me, relationships are pretty much still alien territory. fucking hell, i know how to waffle.

after a good conversation with my brother, he brought up the fact that i am still wearing my isle of wight wristband-and having had a pretty full on drinking evening reminded me of wednesday 10th-monday 15th. i believe that i have only in part mentioned these momentous few days :)

wednesday 10th. twas a long day, but also a very fitting tribute to my uni people. there were about 12 or so of us who went to the cowherds on the outskirts of the southampton common. i was wearing my cool look which included a surprisingly good value for money jacket from primark. and a good time was had, it was film people and also the occupants of 30 shakespeare avenue-it sounds similar to the last supper but with a lot more meat, beer and laughs. they had peroni on tap, this made me smile like a tit and seeing everyone dressed up in their suits, boots and roots [reference to a song that i can't remember at the moment-annoying]

but i remember walking from the pub up to the uni, ready and waiting for a time to be had. and it would.

several weeks earlier, we [can't remember exactly who, at least me and and another] were in the avenue and my tall and silly-willy friend chris was checking his emails and he announced to us that the streets would be headlining the gradball. this was met by a whoop of happiness from myself, and so it was set that on 10/06/09, the almost final gathering during termtime would be the culmination of the year. a bloody expensive one but it was set.

so on the coach we hopped after i believe not too long we were in the grounds of a big house just outside of eastleigh, there was a big top and fuck off queues for everything. it was very easy for people to get lost within the venue-i happened upon a number of people a number of times, purely by chance. texting was futile as we were all basically like excited children and it was a funfair with rides and everything. i failed to go any rides, smooth. in all honesty i didn't want to and never actually tried to, it was about finding people, smiling and finding a place to piss was my priority.

some person was warm up for the streets, can't remember who. twasn't the best, but anyway we were down near the front so that we were placed well for the streets. at this point i believe i had stumbled upon miss k sloan and her boyfriend who happens to share my exceptional name. she was drunk and it was the first time that i met andy, she failed to introduce us. the next day a received a text from her apologising for abusing my ears during the gig, i said it was great fun and not to worry. also i mentioned that andy had helped to break up a fight midway during the gig-she hadn't a clue that it had happened, as to quote the brent-meister 'was a little bit drunk!' but it was all good. during the wavering during the gig, managed to find a number of other friends-namely everyone. also i had my largest brush with success with a female at uni. she has previously got a mention as the annoyingly voiced sexy siren from the film and music library, and i squeezed her bottom. naughty naughty as james would say. it is quite tragic that is the best i got, but there we go. makes me smile in a way!

so yes, back to the streets. rather bloody good, turn the page is always a treat and with a bunch of drunk friends having a laugh, twas epically good. also his version of blinded by the lights moved into a dance number at the end. thus dancing like idiots.

after the gig we were all having a chat and getting drinks in and hello, who passed us by. only bloody mike skinner, so myself and phil horrocks [aka horcrux, this is a reference i have only 'got' having researched it. harry potter. exactly what all the cool kids too] gave chase and managed to each shake his hand and get pictures with him, neither of the pictures came out and so it was effectively pointless haha still we can say that we met him, fucking epic win! also he asked us if we had, or knew anybody, who had any vitamin e. what did he mean? he walked off into the rain as we smiled and returned to the group.

after the streets [so technically they weren't headlining, still...] scott mills was dj'ing. can't remember which songs he played, but we were chatting away and drinking, and for some reason i remember popping out of the main tent area to go for a slash-behind the toilets on the waterlogged and pisslogged ground. there was a small area between the barriers and the bogs, and as males can piss standing up there were a number of us doing thus. the area was closed up soon after this piss.

jumping to the journey, there was pretty much all of us at the back of the bus. i was sitting next to mr roland taylor, and i couldn't hold in a piss. i was at that time sitting aisle side and so swapped with roland. and as i couldn't see myself holding it in, i slyly went for a wee against the side of the bus-much to the shock and amusement of a number of my friends. we were only about 5 minutes from the destination, but still upon exiting the bus the piss had ran along the length of the bus and had also ran across the width of the bus. in streaks.

as we got off, phil called me a legend. the party was due to continue at the house of lena/jez/franzi and ben however i had to very sadly refuse due to commitments that shall be explained in part two. now i must play guitar and attention to the brilliant film-walk the line :)

keep it rockin'

Wednesday 18 November 2009

albums and that

as an avid music fan and a lack of real money i rely upon nme.com to supply with info on music, i wish to be able to buy q/uncut/clash/mojo but they are sillyly [this word is now official. in the dictionary and everything. bruv] expensive for what they are [paper with ink on it].

but they are running a poll [this is incorrect, it has already been run] about the 100 greatest albums of this soon to end decade. believe it or not it began in 2000, which seems a long time ago [9 years or so? roughly? sorry this post will be littered with brackets as i am in a mood to destroy true english. by using silly square brackets. and. too many full. stops. sorry!]

but anyway, their idea got me thinking. by this i clearly mean i stole their ideas, and wandered which albums i would place in my top 'no certain number' list [as let's be honest i mostly live in the 60s/70s and look upon anything from since then as gibberish]. i was contemplating whom would make it in. i thought that artists who have only existed in the 2000s are cheating really, the libertines/the streets/kings of leon/regina spektor/the kills etc, as they failed to make albums in other decades. but each of these bands each contribute at least one album-however i could probably make a top 20 list solely based upon these home boi peeps... [and they do make up pretty much all of the list]

so. here goes, in no particular order with my favourite albums of 00-09:
songs for the deaf - queens of the stoneage
streetcore - joe strummer & the mescaleros
the dead 60s - the dead 60s
aha shake heartbreak - kings of leon
original pirate material - the streets
begin to hope - regina spektor
the libertines - the libertines
take off your pants and jacket - blink-182
silent alarm - bloc party
midnight boom - the kills
up the bracket - the libertines
in rainbows - radiohead
a grand don't come for free - the streets
seldom seen kid - elbow
youth and young manhood - kings of leon
kid a - radiohead
a weekend in the city - bloc party
the back room - editors
the man comes around - johnny cash
hail to the thief - radiohead
keep on your mean side - the kills
grace/wastelands - peter doherty
don't believe the truth - oasis
amnesiac - radiohead

thats 24 different albums from 16 different artists, sorta cheating as previously said. only the libertines have ALL [two] of their albums on the prestigious list that at least 1 person will read. that person will be me, very soon forgetting how awful the spelling is and thus checking it out. but there is a list that is pretty much unrivalled and in no real order. i couldn't really name an overall favourite [not that you'll lose sleep over it] as it isn't really a case of a king amongst men from the above list, but there are about hundred songs from that list that are really very good. wow, i am beginning to bore myself.

who am i kidding? the sound of my own voice [i actually 'sing' the same sounds that my macbook (should get some money off apple for that plug) keyboard makes as a i type. crazy] is what keeps me alive. off i pop :)

keep it rockin'

Sunday 15 November 2009

jennifer's body, a review. snappy title.

i could see the review writing itself, 'the difficult second album', 'megan fox: fuck yeah! film: meh' but it was not to be.

i am of course referring to jennifer's body, or let's look at megan fox and her near perfect female form. this is true. if you are going to see this film and not 1 second of your time is spent thinking what it would be like to meet [euphemism] her, you are clearly mentally ill and should be put down. i mean i am the last person to be a lad shouting about boning every woman i see [i of course jest here], but there is a lot of focus on the fine young female. but she nearly has too much going on in her face to be really beautiful [just my opinion]. i mean i know at least no actresses and so what i'm about to say is totally unfounded, but it is almost like actresses are wholly vacuous so that they can truly accomodate the characters that they will become in films. you talk to them and they like music such as muse and guns'n'roses [i hate these people, my blog is a testament to this. i respect them as artists, then the hating begins :)] and are non too fussed about building a full personality because they know that their looks will get them places and money, and so fear not in being vacuous.

this is fact. i mean just as thatcher and blair have done in the past, i'll just repeat the same thing three times-get involved in a war then fuck off and later be resented. satire.

so, 'jennifer's body' was a good film-it had a wide filmic knowledge and sort to pay tribute to a number of films that i've seen and could recognise, namely 'mystic river' [pretty bad film, keanu reeves once again looking perplexed and dennis hopper being the outcast weirdo. i know you sound surprised. it is pretty bad though, murder teenagers yawn yawn yawn. see there is that politican speech kicking in], 'carrie' [a truly quite brilliant film, chilling and just bloody good], 'juno' [which will be returned to] and 'a lot of other american high school dramas' [not a real film but instead a catch all term for a range of good and shite films that i have not seen]. also 'drag me to hell', which i have only just googled sam raimi for as i couldn't raimi-member his name. [hold for applause and laughter]

spot the comedy?! laugh?! no

with a freshly cleaned set of gnashers and a lot of empty bowels i shall continue. the film was not the best thing/horror film to ever be produced [my favourite new horror was the very nourishing 'let the right on in', great film-bleak, nasty and engrossing. yes!] but it had a lot of charm and although much of the plot had been seen before, as referenced above, the film had a charm as delivered by the script by diablo cody. the film smelt strongly of the one that made her, jk simmons, valerie tian [still sporting the same glasses], the very geeky lead [in a way] character and all that business-but the different tone was punctuated by the wit of cody. the line referring to megan fox [jennifer] hovering were very nicely interwoven with gruesome images. i can't think of hundreds of others, but it did make you laugh and the climatic scene was well done.

i felt sorry for the chip character as he was fobbed off with trying to be a nick from nick and norah version of michael cera, and he wasn't-quite very weak as a character. sorry.

the scene of the film was where nerdy needy kissed jennifer, and you could see all the men in the cinema [the grand total of two girlfriends present excepted] squirming as it was fit. i mean come on, just like mulholland drive. the lesbian bits are clearly going to get some press and for at least one person i know twas his favourite bit. bit too obvious, but good nonetheless. i can't explain what it is about two females in passionate throws, but it makes me happy ;)

the jennifer obsessed character of needy [in my opinion a terrible see-through name, see the film and it's writing isn't without faults] is annoying in my opinion and the bits where you like her top and tail the film. however may i add that some of the handheld camerawork at the beginning was crap, there were too many cuts and different angles for what was about 10 seconds. just like beginning of quantum of solace, there was nothing you could get into-just went "mental" too quickly. i know, this is a great phrase, ramones esque ['go mental', track 8, after 'i wanna be sedated', album 4, road to ruin-some really good words in that song, non-sarcasm :D]

the end credit sequence was epicly brilliant, you knew it was going to happen but just really really well done.

overall 7 on 10, let's make love [partridge reference] but really 7/10, and fuel for a character i am working on. ooh, intriguing!

keep it rockin'

Sunday 8 November 2009

this is just a tribute...

instead of being a song, this is a blog post. just so you know.
you probably do.

great start, but anyway! this blog post is a tribute to my ickle friends.
i shall thus do a bit of description of this week and why it was good. as it so happens it was the most expensive week [not very much so but still] that i've had in a long while, monday afternoon was work which was simple and fine. tuesday i met a certain cleary man at 0815. yes that is right, it was so early i got to see school children walking to school [didn't want to and didn't get many kicks out of it...] and something that i don't really understand.

i went to rainham mark grammar school which required passing the 11+ to get into, and so usually you are perceived to be one of these 'boffs'. as a school we had a 'rivalry' with the large comprehensive boys school across the road and a bit of a way away. one of the finest moments in our school career was when a small group of howard [comp school name] boys had stormed the field and proceeded to actually have a bit of a riot.

our storming headteacher [twat] marched himself onto the field to confront these uneducated poo boys! [i know, wit! also rainham mark wasn't a public/private school and was in fact state run school so none of this hoighty toighty mocking malarky. also at the end of the day, however good it is, it is still in medway. voted 7th worst place to live in the uk, only place in the south too. victory...]

BUT what happened was an event that has gone down in history, as these howard boys threw a brick [or another heavy and blunt object] at him and hit him slap bang in the middle of the forehead. he was bleeding quite profusely. brilliant! i can't remember much else from that day, that was a highlight. another brief and brilliant memory from school was in about year 10 or 11 during interform football. the referee for the game was our form tutor so he should have been favouring us, but within a minute my friend got sent off for going into a tackle with a high foot. i say going in with high foot, he jumped and kicked the prick on the other team in the chest.

it was amazing, as said prick was just that and maybe deserved it. but watching from the sidelines meant that i got to laugh like hell with two friends-it more than made up for the cold weather and being outside. genius! ah school *sighs and dreamily looks to the sky*

anyway, the point was that whilst waiting for james i saw some of the comp boys walking past wearing one of these. here.

i mean these bags are tiny and on a 14 year old school boy, it doesn't do their coolness much good. but apparently these sort of things are in fashion, as according to my friend matt [who is an ict tech at school in maidstone] loadsa boys have them. i just find it astonishing because if any boy were to have had a bag like that when i was at school, they would have had seven shades of shit beaten the fuck out of them! but now it's cool. it is odd and makes you ponder where masculinity has gone.

please bear in mind, this judgement is coming from a forlorn little rotund monorchid with chronic shyness and no girlfriend, but is this a sign of the decline of masculinity? i dunno. i mean, i am clearly the saviour and archetypal male so i do have a right to talk about such things.

as a small rant, skinny jeans. yes, cos it's attractive to show off the fact that you have the legs of 12 year old girl! i mean how is that cool?! really. i have quite large [a bit muscly and a bit fat] thighs and reasonable calfs and so i require a pair of jeans that don't make me look like a tit. i dunno, i don't really understand holocaust chic in females and think that despite looking cool sometimes there should be female/male boundaries that are drawn up. i know i sound like an old man, but then again implementing these ideas would mean that matt and i would only enjoy ourselves a minimal amount in the tap'n'tin [wait, i hate the place] as we often play the game, would you hit him. more often than not we do want to.

however the joke is on us, between us we have had a total of about 15 months in relationships. i supply one month to this tally. only one gf each, so level there!

but anyway, i did indeed meet james at 0815 and we ventured to the ole greasy spoon on the a2 and enjoyed a hot beverage each. we looked over the daily mirror, which supplied it's dear viewers with two photos of lil ole maddie as she may look now, one with a portugeese suntan and one without. it was amusing, neither picture showed the glitch that she has in her eye-and also the suntanned photo showed maddie with darker iris colour and eyeball [think white -> sepia] colour. i'm not saying it was like this, but it was almost like someone had the one photo and was told to get creative with photoshop. stupid.

so we sat and mocked the world in a highly satirical graduate sense and then ventured to my house for a day of watching pretention. and by this i mean this and this

watching these films whilst drinking coffee [me] and earl grey [james] and then sausage sandwiches was great fun. if you think you have heard challenging music try scott walker's stuff, not the walker brothers as this is quite nice pop-but a lot of his stuff has incredible sounds but his voice gets some getting used to. an interesting character nonetheless, very shy and very avant garde. not for those faint of heart. i had seen the radiohead doc before but it was great to see it again, the almost uncertain breakdown of thom yorke and showing the real life of a group of well educated and middle-class guys doing what they love around the world and having that almost destroy them. interesting, also challenging images aren't the norm in gig films. you can't imagine a band like guns'n'fuckin'roses having this-instead it's more like "look at us cunts". that is my distaste for pompous american twats.

but we went up to rainham town and to be fair, james was dressed like he was a tramp despite being a full time paid member of society and so whilst we were browsing the magazines the man in the shop was like 'don't read them, go to tesco if you want to do that'. he couldn't say much as he was wearing the really round glasses [you know the style i mean] that my dad wore in 1994. twat, and fucking fascist [to quote the best film ever]!

so after a whole day together james went back to lordswood. this was on the tuesday. the rest of the week shall come after i piss and refill my coffee cup :D

on wednesday evening my parents left for devon as they are sorting out my great-uncle as his health is sadly going downhill quite steadily. so since then [it is sunday night now] i have been looking after myself, the house and progressively annoying cats. they are just so fucking hungry all the time, but also quite slim... odd. and wednesday night saw a return to the pub quiz with my friends after a two week sabbatical away from it. we did ok, as per usual and included some joke answers such as 'dj luck' and 'mc neat' as i was the nutter with the wit and the pen :) but that was good, and after a misadventure with some guinness beforehand [was finishing up some with my dinner, chugged too much and proceeded to spray it all over the table-including through my nose. painful but funny at the same time, i hate those ones!] but a couple more drinks meant that i was feeling a little bit drunk, and as i have been doing so little of that recently it was nice. however not that much happened and so i shall just continue onto thursday after a small reference to an answer that we gave in our lost quiz.

once again i was the one with the pen and matt and steve [other team members and 'friends' as they are so called] and the question was: what lives in a drey? the real answer was squirrel, but i was very pleased with my answer of a snoop doggy dogg :) no-one else really got it [outside of our group], but it made me smile.

i am currently listening to bloc party's second album and i am on the song 'i still remember' which is an amazing song :D it is up there as one of my favourite 21st century love songs! also bloc party related, i was playing the main guitar part of their song 'this modern love' in front of my grandparents the other day and they thought it sounded good [because it does] i was going to challenge their somewhat very conservative [big c and small c conservative] opinions by saying it was written by a bisexual black man, but re-thought this as i couldn't be doing with the hassle.

so onto thursday, and i had received the news on monday that i wouldn't be needed for work on thursday and with the knowledge that my parents [who i bemoan a lot, but still they are real people to interact with after all] weren't to be about i feared that i would be bored out of my mind. however i had my day brightened by the announcement that a very good friend of mine would be back in medway for a coupla days-so mainly as a way of fighting off boredom [and definitely not through wanting to meet up with her...] we met up, and as per usual it was fun.

as a total aside, can i just ask why people st*r swear words? it really annoys me, as if you want to be 'offensive' be so and if you don't, use baby talk [eg-'you fucking dick' should either be this or baby talk, 'you flipping idiot' never 'you f*cking d*ck'] i dunno about you but i get bloody upset with vowels! those little fuckers really do wind me up when in words, it is like they are the power behind the offensiveness of the word and by removing them you are showing that you aren't grown up enough to fucking swear. arseholes. i mean come on... this maybe because i am of the opinion that speech should be free, and if you don't like what someone says you can: a) complain about it or b) ignore it. life is too short.

anywho, back to my meet up. the usual wandering happened but as we know i am small and need a wee often, and so we went to the coolest hang out where all the cool kids go. tesco cafe :P also i have cold hands and i am less than sensible and didn't wear enough layers/appropiate clothes to block out the cold. the classic game of what colour are your hands? mine are purple and orangey and blotchy-i win!

so sitting about in the cafe, i was as per usual being a bit of knob [i know that you are all surprised] but still a nice person at the end of it all. there is strong bond between us [in fact between me and almost all of my friends-that's why we are friends... weird that :P] and so she ignored me. we had been chatting for a while when suddenly this old man slowly wandered up to us and said something. i had no idea what was going on, and so i did my usual reverting back to being a quiet tortoise in his shell. sipping coffee.

but off my friend trotted to help out the old man, i was still pretty confused. she returned a couple of minutes later and explained to me that he needed someone to butter his toast for him as he had recently had a stroke and could no longer do it himself. it is the small acts of kindess that make me think so much of her :)

after finishing our drinks we trotted around the spectacle that is the big tesco, with nothing imparticular in mind. i got angry seeing the height of pretention in the charts [muse's album... just look at the titles. jesus] but that was about all the excitement-as well as looking at the masses of christmas chocolates. this sounds dull, sorry!

but after her purchasing jelly babies and me having a slash [i think it was my third of the afternoon :P] we then popped to the pub, where we decided that eating so many jelly babies it hurts was a good idea... i bought a guinness but couldn't convince a student to drink too, other than water... rock'n'roll! nutter :P but eating jelly babies by severely maiming them [biting off the heads and feet. i am so purely evil. sorry guys-also as a note it is starch that is the coating on the lil buggers, who would have thought it?]

but after a few hours chatting usual crap, well mainly me with the crap- it was time for it to be over as it was dark and neither of us wanted to be raped on the walk home-for me it was nearly 2 miles, so a nice long walk.

it was an utterly lovely afternoon, with one of my favourite people in the world. i feel that our friendship now is the most grown up that it has been, and that i am now being myself and not a vague version of myself which is a tad charming. the thing is [why am so honest? damn me! to quote scroobius pip 'over thinking is the chink in my armour'] i do sometimes think about how it might have been, and how it could be now-but within a minute i remember however destructive it is for me, i would want to see her happy and chances are that wouldn't happen if she were to be with me. song. [mainly for the title]

also i probably wouldn't still be yearning [even the admittedly small amount as it is now] for her if i had a shred of confidence and or belief in my 'pulling' abilities, or if the facts/numbers aren't so against me i would be fine, but that's me in my own little ways! still a bit of a twat though. but as james said to lighten my mood once a while ago, at least i am not an insufferable cunt :P

actually having re-read this [james' comments] i have a big smile on my face.

but yesterday my good friend chris returned from university for his 22nd birthday, and we went to the cinema [not just us two, it was a group sex of six] to see 'the men who stare at goats' and i was quite disappointed, 6/10 as a numbered review. it was trying to be a coen brothers film with the cast and overall oddly comic feel to the film, but the trailer showed pretty much everything from the film... i do hate it when they do that-but still a film that had clooney/bridges/spacey could and should have been executed well. ewan macgregor's accent was better than i expected but still he wasn't top drawer, also it was pretty much like seeing the dude later in life-not that inventive. personally i loved bridges in iron man as he was out of stereotype and showed himself to be good... but there we go!

afterwards we popped to the pub and on the way chris was bemoaning the pretty much entirely left-wing people in his college [of the scumbag variety, at cambridge] and said they all hate thatcher but don't mind blair. he said about iraq and i was very pleased to counter him by noting the sinking of the belgrano, as it was going away! i was pleased myself as i had fully countered his argument, something i had never done before. it was not like i was defending labour or blair, i dislike them both and will more than likely be voting tory in the next elections. i know i am a tad mental and bored of the 'left wing' and so, whilst retaining many many liberal beliefs [as i am a total hypocrite. i could give examples, but can't be arsed] the time has come for a change-i dislike pretty much all politicians, but lib dems are pointless and labour are muchly the same. tories are by far not the best, but who else is there who could actually change the country?! i mean actual change, not dreamy idiocy [greens and bnp]. so there we go.

we had fun, joked about gary glitter and people's inability to see the world as wholly laughable. aparently there are things you shouldn't joke about-i totally disagree.

but that is i believe that, a week in under 3000 words. a mammoth :)
truely rambling along on this one, now to spell check the mother!

smiles, contentment and 'don't panic' by coldplay-lovely :)

keep it rockin'