the dole, screenplays and just being plain bored. evolving into a rant.

so work is still elusive, and having heard little back from a few people that i've sent a few things too. pretty bloody happy...

so yes, it is half 4 on a thursday. the delirium of being mentioned on twitter by an attractive actress is pretty much running thin now. still have the stupid waking up early, low but constant buzzing in my stomach and the biggest little fucker of them all. the flame of hope. that one i always the one that pisses me off. in fact, the flame is gently being pissed on and out by this brutish thug known as real life.

real life is in a constant, bitter and uneven fight with dreams. more like the burden of dreams, the hope that comes from the dreams themselves and how you can't/shouldn't give up on dreams. it's idiocy alright but idiocy rooted in something that you can't measure or entirely quash. if only you could.

started writing a new screenplay, based upon the aforementioned 'true' love that is emerging. once again it is heavily one, and will almost certainly be unrequited. the usual, back in the game. failing but back in it :)

screenplay has the working title 'this modern love'. dole male, actress female. love derived from twitter. win.

will most likely be a gigantic waste of time, but a good distraction from work. well looking for it anyway, it would be quite nice to re-install a sense of worth in myself. this 'self-respect' nonsense and to have a mental thing called money, as i am a filthy capitalist with friends in london, nottingham, cambridge and southampton who all deserve the torment of seeing my little face. it would be nice to gain money and lose some of my own time, and that WILL me more focussed to do things in my spare time such as sit and write and not amble and waste time.

i would quite like to have the wealth to employ a boss figure, someone to actually tell me what to do. i know i am such a child, especially when it comes to being an adult. [poo, bum, willy, bum, willy, bum, poo. that was a small poem i wrote as a child]

i have a strong fear of being one of life's also runs, stuck in a small town doing stuff i don't like for people i don't like and winding away my days doing sod all. i am very close to this now, so we'll see.

tell you what lifts me right up, the rolling stones. listening to their heavy [not metallica heavy, more lyrically] and bluesy tracks such as 'back of my hand', 'midnight rambler' and 'mona (i need you baby)' the rhythm and lyrics are often so strong that the guitar doesn't need to sound like clapton or beck or page [odd that the three finest guitars the uk has produced, make ott annoying music, and were all in the yardbirds. there is something about expertise, and taking it too far]. it's all subjective but the blacklist is:

muse,
kiss,
rage against the machine,
led zeppelin [mostly],
pink floyd [mostly].

these are the rock gods i don't like.

also what is it with female vocalists following ridiculous trends, amy winehouse broke the mould for female vocalists and now 400 have jumped up to take her place and imitate her. duffy, adele and paloma faith to name but three [the only three i can name but still...]. two are welsh, one's fat and one is a crap winehouse/gaga wannabe.

then you have marina from marina and the diamonds, she is strikingly fit, but her voice. christ. it is the most annoying i've heard in a long long time . 'she is a polish girl in america...', she is trying to fit every single note on the singing register in just two lines, fuck off! florence welch is ace. ida maria is ace and regina spektor is amazing. all have a great pop sound but i realised that there is a difference [a massive one] between pop music and chart music.

r.e.m., the smiths, the pipettes, ida maria and the len price 3 all have quite a poppy sound. but all are still relatively small [except the first two, point remains...] but of course they [we shall take this to just mean to last 3] won't break the chart when it is currently dominated by: kesha, rihanna, jason derulo [i have 100% no clue who he is], sugababes, chart-dizzee rascal, jls, alicia keyes, timbaland etc etc.

admittedly i don't listen to the radio much, but when i do it is only 6music. i mean the radio 1 playlist is soul destroying, whenever i have heard more than one show, the same songs are repeated until for-fucking-ever.

i shall swing relatively blindly here, so shall just reference the readers of this to all versions of the clash track 'capital radio', riles against bland radio music. it is true and brilliant.

i am tired now and should go back to whatever i was doing, can't quite remember what that was.

listen to the clash.

keep it rockin'